National Coming Out Day

Today is National Coming Out Day. If you have previously come out, then bravo. You are brave and I support you.

I debated whether or not to write anything about today. Sometimes I don’t feel as though I have any right. I’m not “officially” out, only out on Twitter. Bi or queer, however you want to label it, that’s me. So I guess this is me coming out.

One thing I’ve noticed is that bi people are often seen as unfaithful and/or gay/straight pretenders. I’ve been faithful to my husband since we started dating almost 17 years ago. And yes, I have a strong preference for men. But I also find women very attractive, especially when they have the brains and humor that I love. Does that mean I’m going to jump my best friend’s bones? Absolutely not. I love her as a sister.

I’m not an expert on the matter, I only know how I feel. How I perceive it all. And sometimes that makes me think that my feelings aren’t valid. That I have no right to feel or think the way I do.

So I honestly don’t know how to label myself: bi, queer, pan. I don’t even know if I deserve a label.

I tried telling my husband once how I felt. He said there’s no way I could be bi. So I left it alone. I felt alone. The only solace I found was those like me on Twitter. I know we’re taught not to talk to strangers, especially on the internet, but I’ve found some of the greatest people there. People like me.

You are loved. You are here. You matter.

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When things suddenly change

What a crazy past few days…

The girls were at my parents this past weekend (they missed the girls while we were on vacation and Michael and I needed some serious rest). Saturday evening my mom calls saying Arlie was feeling poorly. I heard her coughing but assumed it was leftover sniffles from the allergies we all had over vacation (kinda rough going from a humid climate to a dry one).

Mom calls late Sunday morning saying Arlie was having difficulty breathing and was wheezing. The ladies at church were all worried about her, Mom was worried, my cousin was worried. Of course I couldn’t do anything from two hours away so I snapped at my mom (SORRY AGAIN, I LOVE YOU) that she was fine.

The girls come back to us Sunday evening. I can now see the breathing problems everyone was talking about. Fast, shallow breathing with intermittent wheezing. I still didn’t think it was bad. She wasn’t eating with her normal gusto (and this is the twin that cries if she sees you eating without sharing), but I still didn’t get too concerned. Tried giving her a bottle before bed and she threw up the contents plus the Tylenol we’d given her (it was like a liquid candy cane spewed on my pants). I started to worry a bit, but still not too much. Put her down to sleep and her breathing was so fast compared to Zoey’s.

Monday morning my alarm goes off and I realize I hadn’t heard a peep all night. I rush into the nursery expecting to find my child cold and not breathing, but she was fine. I go to work as usual but keep texting my mom for regular updates. Eventually I decide to email the pediatrician, if for nothing than to put everyone’s mind at ease. The girls have their 1-year well check on Friday but I assumed Arlie could wait til then. Nope. The pediatrician wanted to see her ASAP.

So we leave work early, go home and grab Arlie, and somehow make it to the pediatrician in less than 45 minutes. The ped said she heard some wheezing in Arlie’s lungs, but didn’t think it was asthma. She had a breathing treatment and after 15 minutes was doing so much better. The doctor thinks it was a virus that she might’ve picked up on vacation. She wrote us a prescription for a nebulizer and Albuterol.

I go to the pharmacy to pick everything up and was surprised at the low cost. Well it turns out that the prescription was just for the Albuterol. Turns out I needed a second prescription for the actual machine. The pharmacist tells me he’ll contact my pediatrician and call me later to let me know what he finds out.

I finally talk to the pharmacist at 6 last night. He got the prescription but their manufacturer is out of nebulizers (OF COURSE THEY ARE). He told me to go to any of his competitors and he would transfer the prescription (as he said “I don’t care about losing business, I only care about the health of your child”). So this afternoon will be spent tracking down which of the other pharmacies in town have nebulizers in stock.

The good news is that the neb treatment at the pediatrician really broke up a lot of the stuff that had been harboring in Arlie’s chest. She was in such a better mood last night and ate ALL THE FOOD. The night was a little rough though, since she spent most of our sleeping hours coughing up phlegm. At least she was getting it out, even if it was at the cost of sleep.

When a vacation isn’t a vacation…

I’m currently on my first vacation as a parent. My in laws wanted a huge family trip so they brought my husband and his sister (as well as respective spouses), our two girls, and my sister in law’s three boys to California. The first few days were spent visiting family and this afternoon we arrived at Disneyland (with tomorrow being our first day in the park). 

You know Murphy’s Law? Well this trip has been Murphy’s List. To name a few: Michael’s glasses broke before we even got on the plane, Hertz gave away our reserved vehicles, our first hotel gave away 1 of our 3 reserved cribs… The latest was today: Twin One had a blowout as we arrived at the hotel but the concierge had already taken our luggage and our rooms weren’t ready yet. So poor girl spent the afternoon in Downtown Disney with no pants. Oh and both girls, one of my twin nephews, AND the husband are all sick. 

I need a vacation from my vacation.

Oops

Have I really neglected this for over two years? Apparently so. I’ve been trying to find writing jobs but I guess it’s a little hard for potential employers to see how well I write if there’s nothing written!

How to recap the last two years? WELL.

  1. After being diagnosed with infertility and PCOS in 2014, my husband and I finally saved enough money and tried IVF. It worked! Delivered fraternal twin girls in September 2016 at 34 weeks gestation. Thankfully they only spent 11 days in the NICU. And now they’re almost a year old?! When did that happen??
  2.  Trump won the presidency. I watched as the results of the election rolled in through the night (when you’re awake at 2am with screaming newborns, it’s not hard to follow television). I cried. Not just because this sexual predator won the highest seat in the nation, but because my daughters would grow up in a world where “grabbing her by the p***y” is the norm. (Can you tell I voted for Hillary? #ImStillWithHer)
  3. I got a “promotion” at work. Why quotations? Because I’m doing the work but didn’t get the pay raise. It made sense at the time because of the upcoming merit raises (if I’d gotten the raise that came with a promotion then I’d be ineligible for the merit pay). BUT about a month or two before everyone expected the merit announcement, it was decided at the top levels that no merit raises were to be given out. At least the work is fun? Well, as fun as work can be, I suppose.

So that’s what’s happened since my last post. What am I up to now? Well I’m going on vacation in less than a week. It’ll be my girls’ first time to fly, so we’ll see how that goes. I’ve also realized that I want to stay home with my babies. My mom is an angel and watches them throughout the week (daycare costs more than my mortgage and that’s JUST FOR ONE KID) but I really want to be there to see their milestones. So I’ve been applying for Work-From-Home jobs, but so far nothing. Although I did just become a marketer for an online, toxic-free grocery store, so we’ll see??

The main reason I came back to look at my site is because my coworker/supervisor/friend has to create a blog for a class and asked about mine. Hello, reminder!

I promise I’ll do better. Shall we try for once a month? Let’s see!

Love Wins

This morning the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that same-sex marriage is now legal in all 50 states.  Discrimination is illegal.

YESSSSS

It’s about time.

I’ve already heard rumors that my state is trying to put state law above federal and continue the marriage ban.  My county hasn’t issued any marriage licences yet, only because they still say “man” and “woman.”  The clerk doesn’t want there to be any issue, especially since some counties are changing them manually, and is waiting until the official forms come in.  That kind of reasoning I can support.

I know my family won’t be happy about the SCOTUS decision, but I don’t care.  Everyone deserves happiness